Hi, we are Damon & Liam and we adopted our two children in 2022. In this blog, we would like to share our experience of ‘Introductions’ or ‘transitions’ which is the name used to describe the stage of matching where you and your child or children prepare to be a family.
When we received our transition plan, we immediately tried to imagine what each day would look like, we were nervous and anxious about taking on caring tasks and having them come to live at our house. Would they like the house, would they like us??? The months of training all came down to this.
The transition plan was non-stop, we had something every day. The plan was very tight due to the foster carer having a holiday booked and some delays with paper worker so we didn’t have any breaks during transitions.
We decided to travel back and forth to the foster carers home each day. We found this worked for us as we could sit and reflect on things each day. Although it was exhausting when we were there for bedtime and back in the morning for breakfast.
Meeting the children at the foster carers was a lot to take in. The children were naturally very excited, wanted to show us all their toys they have, get our attention as much as possible and a little showing off. This calmed down after a few days.
Overall the children responded really well to us, it was all very natural and we all quickly formed attachment very quickly – we were really lucky but we did work extremely hard, listening to the foster carers advice about how to best build relationships with the children.
The children left their foster carers home easily which was great and this was down to the foster carer talking to them about what was happening and discussing the family book and videos, they made it really special for the children which was lovely to see.
The family book and video you complete were so important and a big part for our children to get to know us. My advice would be to take that extra time to make them as good and special as you can.
When they first came to our house it was like someone had thrown two grenades inside the house locked us all inside – it was tough, they were into everything. We thought we had child proofed everything, but we found ourselves moving a lot more things and restricting access etc. We found ourselves getting through it a day at a time, we quickly learnt though, and a routine was established.
I think the most difficult part about transitions is how emotional, exhausted we felt, and you lose some confidence doubting whether we could do it. You go through so many feelings and emotions each day. We were so lucky to have great foster carers who I think and hope we will stay in contact with. They are a massive help through the transition process.
If you’re uncertain about anything ask or if you think changes should be made to the transition plan there are plenty of opportunities to raise it with the social workers.
As a family 2 years in, we are all very content and a strong family unit. Our children are the centre of ours and the wider family and it all feels ‘normal’ like it should and as if we’ve always been a family.
Don’t get me wrong its the hardest job in the world but extremley satisfying. Seeing your children grow, learn new skills and develop their personalities is very rewarding, as parents i’m really proud of us.
Our house is none stop from first thing in the morning so we try to do things we can all enjoy together as well the individual after school clubs and swimming lessons.
My one piece of advice would be to make a routine and set boundaries, we found our kids love this and responded well – but at times expect that to go out the window as your boundaries will sometimes get tested!
I hope our experience helps you in some way and Good Luck!
Damon & Liam
adopting brothers and sisters